WEEK SIX

Its week six already, four to go!

Let me start with how things are going at school. The children improved A LOT in terms of their atittude towards me. I finally got the hugs & kisses that I used to get on my first week of my last three practicums! Such a cultural difference. Anyways, things are goin pretty well. I think I have grown professionally in the past six weeks. I'm so grateful for being placed at such a professional school. Although I'm doing double the work that my colleagues are doin, maybe triple, I am certain that I'm learning a million times more than they are.

Story: Today, I saw a beautiful side of Mohammed. I was sitting with a group of children (he was one of them). He gave a croissant to Brett. I asked him if he really did not want his croissant. He said that he wanted it, but Brett does not have food to eat. I saw Mohammed's face getting brighter and the spotlights all around him, along with a golden ring over his head. I gave him a very warm, loving smile. Not expected!
But then..................Mohammed was still in his place, sitting peacefully, eating HIS croissant that was supposed to be Brett's. Now that was expected. I looked at Mohammed and asked him why he took his croissant back, it is not a nice thing to do. He replied in a sarcastic way "...but I want it! Its mine!". Poor Brett. Suddenly, all the spotlights were switched off, and I saw the two red horns growing back on Mohammed's head. Little Devil.

Career: Its been a long time since I reflected on my career plans, and I am very scared to reflect at this point. My internship made me fall in love with teaching all over again. I really wana be a "Teacher": having my own class, creating my own activities, making my own rules. I so picture myself doing that! But on the other hand, the T.A. doesn't seem to work out well for me. I dont want to be a T.A. I think I'm overqualified for a T.A. After looking at what teaching assistants really do in classrooms, I can never picture myself as one. Just looking around, making sure that the children are listening to their teacher, tiding up the classroom, photocopying papers and worksheets. NO its not what I want! Another thing is the issue of working at the government sector. There is a HUGE difference between teaching at a gov. and pvt. kindergartens. I am so enjoying the pvt. ones. I'm very confused. Takamul has been a dream, but I dont feel that working as a T.A. fulfills that dream. At Takamul, I would prefer attaining an administrative position that I can not attain unless I prove myself in some way, maybe getting my Masters. Whats making it even worse is the whole postponing that has been goin on for months now. I hate disorganized places where I can sense serious miscommunication. I'm not sure anymore.

Personal: I hate that part. Why do they think that I'm such an arrogant person who is just trying to be perfect in every freakin part of my life? I worked so hard academically to look "perfect". I did have the will to be a *straight* person long time ago, and I never pretended to be someone I'm not. When I was crazy someday, I acted crazy, and I knew I was crazy which was totally fine with me. I've always dreamed of having the job that allows me to make some change, and I'm working on it all by myself. AND yes, I would love to have the perfect husband, and they should not push their noses especially in that matter. I've never asked for anyone's help throughout my life. Cant they see that instead of just awaiting to see what kind of life will I live in the future? Is it a bad thing to expect too much out of life? I'm just living my own dream. THAT I wouldnt want anyone to share with.

Its a new week. WEEK SIX. I miss my capstone, and I guess I'll never be able to work on it until I'm over with my internship. I can already picture my last weeks in ZU. Pictures, not thoughts.