A World Like Never-Never Land

Friday, June 12, 2009


I came back home laughing at how my night ended. In disapointment. A very huge one this time. But hey whats funny about that? I guess it was my other self laughing at me. At how pathetic I was. Deep inside, I knew that it wasn't gonna happen. My last prayer before I leave home was for it to happen if there was any good in it for me. I prayed so hard. El7imdilla, there wasn't any good so it didnt happen.

Although I did say el7imdilla a number of times, and I believed that it was for the best, it broke my heart into pieces like never before. I just slept that night thinking of it and smiling sarcastically at myself. I slept for 3 hours when I woke up and my tears exploded. It was so painful that I had to wake up and just let it out of my heart so that I could let it go..move on..and continue living..

That very specific night, I felt so worthless. Like I was nothing, and I meant nothing at all. Like everything else in the world meant something except me. I was just a piece of a worthless nothing. I woke up the very next day feelingless, like my heart was ripped out. Tears continued falling even while asleep. It actually continued for a while. El7imdilla it was Friday and I was surrounded by my family. Being surrounded by them reminded me that I wasnt worth nothing after all, at least not for my mother, father, my 3 sisters and 2 brothers, my 3 nieces, and my very best friend. I tried to put myself together for them and for myself. But it still hurts.

That night, my dream ended.. and I had to wake up.