A World Like Never-Never Land

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Just the Beginning =)

Thank you for standing by my side. I wouldn't have made it without you.



I'm so extremely very tremendously exceptionally enormously incredibly really happy!

el7imdilla..I've been going through a hard time the past couple of weeks. Here how it went:

  • I receive an e-mail about a job offer at a place I have been DREAMING of.
  • I receive a phonecall informing me that I have been accepted for an interview.
  • I receive an e-mail with the interview details.
  • I receive a phonecall congratulating me for a successful interview and an acceptance.
  • I receive an sms telling me that I need to get there and SIGN MY CONTRACT!!!!!

I can't believe its finally happening. I prayed so hard for Allah to ease off my path, and I thanked Him after every step during the process. I am very grateful.

It feels weird. I mean I'm transferring AGAIN to a totally new place. New environment. New people. New experience! Its overwhelming. I can finally see that what I went through was worth it after all. Being seperated from whom I feel mostly comfortable with. The lonely breaks and lunch times. The weird classmates. The feeling of always being on spot and a bit rejected. The continous breakdowns and moments of doubts. The heartbreaking offensive jokes I hear from family members regarding my goals in life. The easy frustrating projects. The repetitive information in EDC courses. The list just goes on.

Okay I really don't need to get OVER excited about it. Maybe it turns out to be the opposite of what I expect it to be? Maybe I wouldn't feel comfortable? Maybe its not the job for me? Well....I will not have answers to those questions unless I go through it; wouldn't I?

Teaching Assistant. Not bad huh?! Ofcourse I won't hold that title forever! But I could live with it for a while, and I'll SO prove that I can step further, and further, until I reach the TOP! The building looks nice. People working over there seem to be 'good'. I guess those who will be training us are supposedly professional. Oh and Steve would be there! I can't wait to see him and give him the look that says *I made it without you* and later on a look that says *I'm so taking your place* O=)

Get ready, coz its just the beginning for a pretty long journey. I hope.

Monday, February 19, 2007

"Self" vs "Other"

There is a question i always have in mind. Why is it hard to sacrifice for one's self, while no matter how much we sacrifice for the other, it always seems endless?

The self, and the other. We commit sins, for the sake of the other. We destroy our lives, for the sake of the other. We take risks, for the sake of other. By the end, was it worth it?

TEACHERS spend their lives planning lessons and getting sick of it for STUDENTS.
MOTHERS spend sleepless nights for their CHILDREN.
A WIFE destroys her life in order not to lose her HUSBAND.
A GIRL would give up her values to stay by HIS side.

Its confusing. Is it a part of human nature to just GIVE GIVE GIVE and not to be given back? Or some people are just cursed.

When we commit ourselves to something, we focus on reaching our goal, and we forget one's "self". Whether it was getting sick, spending sleepless night, destroying our lives, and giving up our values, it never seems enough.

Deep inside us, it hurts to step on the "self". To forget who we are and who we belong to. To erase our past and ignore the present, and only gaze at the future that we drew in our minds. A beautiful pinky future, where Beauty gets married to the Beast who turns out to be a handsome prince, and where Cinderella meets her Prince Charming, and where Sleeping Beauty gets the kiss that brings her back to life. Is that all true? Or are we living a fairy tale with a hopeless-ever-after.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Faded Childhood

I remember him as a child. He was the most adorable child I ever saw. Pinky cheeks, reddish lips, wide eyes, long eyelashes, chubby, and extremely CUTE. To me, he was literally 'a5ir el3engood'. He was the last hope of a second son for my parents. In fact, it took them sometime to believe that they have a second son; a dream coming true for them I guess. He grew up surrounded with love all around him, with five elder sisters and two mothers.
I remember him as a child. I used to read him bedtime stories. He LUVED them. The Prince & Princess, The Flying Saucer, Red Riding Hood, Hansel & Gretel...etc. He never slept until I reached the end of the story. He didn't like it when I used to change some events of the story. He was just the perfect little brother. "WAS".
I find it ridiculous to type a post about him. I am very angry right now and in shock comparing the little boy he used to be, and whom he's grown to be after 10 years.
I just had a big fight with him because of his disrespectful attitude, discusting words coming out of his mouth; I've just had enough. He never shows any form of gratitude for the time I spent with him as a child. Okay he was young. He does not remember. How about now when I spend hours explaining the lessons he missed (because of being kicked out of the classroom). I don't really know who to blame here. Is it my mom? Dad? Family? ME? Its very annoying to see that my brother is getting worse by the second, and no one seems to care. All they do is spoil him more and more and more and more. The results? DISRESPECT. DISRESPECT. DISRESPECT. DISRESPECT.
The only hope I'm hanging on to is: "He will grow up someday, and realize the mistakes he's been doing." OR "Ofcourse he appreciates what we're all doing for him. He's just too young to express gratitude."
E7tiram alkabeer, wal3a6f 3ala e9a'3eer. Thats what we all learned starting at a very young age. Is it applied?! Thats the question. Should we still bring more children to this world?! Thats also another question. A forbidden one.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Dear 2007,

"In the year of 2007 I would definitely be married, with children. I'm gonna cut my hair really short. I'll have many nieces and nephews. My weight is gonna BOOST and I will look fat. I will not be wearing eyeglasses anymore. I might even have a job and get my own salary every month. I'll have my own car, and I will go to wherever I wish to go. Or maybe, I would be studying abroad. You know what..I might want to become a doctor, so by 2007 I'll still be a medicine student."

Those were my thoughts back then...poor thing. But luckily, none became true!

Here I am. A University student. I'm getting my Bachelors degree in Early Childhood and Kindergarten Studies (a major i NEVER thought of) in about 4 months. Wow..I'm a teacher already. I've been interviewed for the first time yesterday; 4th of February, 2007. I still have two best friends, with one drifting apart, not mentioning the fact that I haven't seen her in months. I still have a long hair, and I'm still underweight (but I did gain 10 kilos since the day i joined UNI). I still wear colorful glasses with the pink ones being the last. I have one niece and a pregnant sister. I'm learning French. Oh, and I'm single.

I don't really know what the whole introduction is about, really. Every year passes by, I find myself standing in the same place, reflecting on whats going on around. It scares me to, out of the sudden, switch from a number to another. 2003 to 2004. 2004 to 2005. 2006 to 2007. 2020 to 2021. Knowing that there is no way to go back and subtract years out of my life. Not even subtracting a second.

This time, I took some time to reflect, since I was too busy thinking of my future which seems to be without a plan. I got into school knowing that by grade 4 I need to choose between Computer or French, and by grade 10 I'll be choosing between Scientific or Commercial, and by grade 12 I'll be getting ready to be a part of the UNI I'm in right now. Afterwards, I'll have 4 years to work so hard and get my Bachelors degree. Then it stops. I'll have to choose and decide what my next step will be, and in my case, my first steps are limited. Yeah, it does scare me.

What I wish for 2007 is to help me find a plan for me. Or maybe I need to find a plan for 2007. Ofcourse there is a very huge difference between what I had in mind years ago, and what I have in mind right now. Whatever happens, i do wish that 2007 will not hold any kind of loss, dissapointments, regret, mistakes, sins, or moments of hopelessness. But what would life be like if it wasn't about all that.