Beautiful

"You are beautiful"

Oh god....my capstone is so messed up that I don't even want to LOOK at it....I wasn't supposed to risk being with a beginning advisor....I shouldn't have risked it. My whole plan needs to change. Now that I have reached the end of it, I noticed that I've written about EVERYTHING related to inclusion. I just wanted to to do it all. Its sooo NOT focused. Now..I need to delete, delete, delete...THEN I need to write a new plan...THEN I'm supposed to finish up in exactly 34 days. I have no idea how I'll do it. My brain goes blank when I think of it.

School school school...I'm having such a wonderful time!!! Ofcourse in my little circus...AND GUESS WHAT! I'm finally able to go to the Special Needs Unit =D Its gonna be two hours for four days per week. Not bad !! As soon as I started, I felt so weird. The kids are different. Its very difficult to switch from a class where there are really clever students who respond directly to your questions and directions, into a class where you expect the least from students...where you talk and no one responds...This is my passion, what I want to be doing from now to the rest of my life. It felt weird, and it was very frustrating for me. I couldn't deal with the children, although I've dealt with much difficult students. However, I regained my strength and knowledge the second day. I got my first "7abeebty" from the cute little Sama (Down Syndrome). She's so adorable. I also got my first pinch. Thats just the beginning of being involved with children with special needs..I have to expect the worst.

"I love teachers"--Sarah

Keeps a smile for the day ^_^

WEEK SIX

Its week six already, four to go!

Let me start with how things are going at school. The children improved A LOT in terms of their atittude towards me. I finally got the hugs & kisses that I used to get on my first week of my last three practicums! Such a cultural difference. Anyways, things are goin pretty well. I think I have grown professionally in the past six weeks. I'm so grateful for being placed at such a professional school. Although I'm doing double the work that my colleagues are doin, maybe triple, I am certain that I'm learning a million times more than they are.

Story: Today, I saw a beautiful side of Mohammed. I was sitting with a group of children (he was one of them). He gave a croissant to Brett. I asked him if he really did not want his croissant. He said that he wanted it, but Brett does not have food to eat. I saw Mohammed's face getting brighter and the spotlights all around him, along with a golden ring over his head. I gave him a very warm, loving smile. Not expected!
But then..................Mohammed was still in his place, sitting peacefully, eating HIS croissant that was supposed to be Brett's. Now that was expected. I looked at Mohammed and asked him why he took his croissant back, it is not a nice thing to do. He replied in a sarcastic way "...but I want it! Its mine!". Poor Brett. Suddenly, all the spotlights were switched off, and I saw the two red horns growing back on Mohammed's head. Little Devil.

Career: Its been a long time since I reflected on my career plans, and I am very scared to reflect at this point. My internship made me fall in love with teaching all over again. I really wana be a "Teacher": having my own class, creating my own activities, making my own rules. I so picture myself doing that! But on the other hand, the T.A. doesn't seem to work out well for me. I dont want to be a T.A. I think I'm overqualified for a T.A. After looking at what teaching assistants really do in classrooms, I can never picture myself as one. Just looking around, making sure that the children are listening to their teacher, tiding up the classroom, photocopying papers and worksheets. NO its not what I want! Another thing is the issue of working at the government sector. There is a HUGE difference between teaching at a gov. and pvt. kindergartens. I am so enjoying the pvt. ones. I'm very confused. Takamul has been a dream, but I dont feel that working as a T.A. fulfills that dream. At Takamul, I would prefer attaining an administrative position that I can not attain unless I prove myself in some way, maybe getting my Masters. Whats making it even worse is the whole postponing that has been goin on for months now. I hate disorganized places where I can sense serious miscommunication. I'm not sure anymore.

Personal: I hate that part. Why do they think that I'm such an arrogant person who is just trying to be perfect in every freakin part of my life? I worked so hard academically to look "perfect". I did have the will to be a *straight* person long time ago, and I never pretended to be someone I'm not. When I was crazy someday, I acted crazy, and I knew I was crazy which was totally fine with me. I've always dreamed of having the job that allows me to make some change, and I'm working on it all by myself. AND yes, I would love to have the perfect husband, and they should not push their noses especially in that matter. I've never asked for anyone's help throughout my life. Cant they see that instead of just awaiting to see what kind of life will I live in the future? Is it a bad thing to expect too much out of life? I'm just living my own dream. THAT I wouldnt want anyone to share with.

Its a new week. WEEK SIX. I miss my capstone, and I guess I'll never be able to work on it until I'm over with my internship. I can already picture my last weeks in ZU. Pictures, not thoughts.

B-R-E-A-K

Eleven hours of sleeping. Thats just what I needed after such a long week!!!!!

I've been feeling so guilty about not working on my capstone project. How on earth am I expected to work on it when I reach home after school in a horrible condition of physical exhaustion. I think I'll have to start redbulling in order to stay awake and use my time in something productive.

School: Things are going pretty well. After my holiday is over, I'll have around five weeks left. Can't believe it. I'm already missing my children. Its weird how I directly notice if one child is missing in my class. It makes a difference! I need to plan stuff for three lessons after the holiday, and I really wana make it impressive. Its gonna be about the letter Z, and the number 10. Hmmm, I think I'll use songs, stories, a poster for the letter Z. Maybe blocks to count with the children. I should make up story cards for the "story sequencing", and come up with questions to ask the children about their holiday. And the last thing is an idea for the phonics review. Thats of course besides my capstone project.

One thing touched me the other day in school. There was this little boy in the playground who was building a tower out of blocks. He was so into his work, having a peaceful time. Then five of the children in his class came running from a distance targetting his tower. They pushed it and started kicking the blocks on the little boy. It took me a while before I realized I'm supposed to help him, but the boys were too strong for me to hold. Thats when their teacher interefered. But it was too late. It happened once, twice, and for a third time. In those three times he accepted the kids apology and asked them VERY politely to please becareful again! The scene broke my heart. He was too petitte to be respected by his peers. He was too nice to be listened to. Its amazing how children's personalities are shaped at such a young age. We always think that they are "only" little kids. They'll grow and forget. They're not. Everything happens in their childhood impacts their lives as grown ups. Every single thing.

Another thing happened when the T.A.'s were sitting together having a conversation about some local mother. They were questioning her intentions behind giving a golden ring, earings, and a necklace to one teacher for her birthday. The conversation made me very angry, coz they didn't want to understand that in our culture "gifts" are a totally different case! The Iranian teacher kept on saying "we come from the same culture"....Excuse me....But people in Dubai are different than whatever culture she's talking about.

Anyways, did I mention how much I'm in love with the children's Music lessons?! They are so much fun!!! Yesterday I took the children to their Music class and guess what? They were learning the Chickie Dance =") !!! Flashbacks made me silent as I was watching them dance in such an adorable way lol It reminded me of the kids who were dancing with me seventeen years ago. There were the ones who had no idea about whats going on. The ones who were crying out loud as they saw their mommies. The ones who were waving so hard and smiling to the audience. And ofcourse, the ones who made their teacher proud! Then I was like "you know what? Maybe I should try out the moves again!"... I think I was even more excited than the kids were lol *Mizzy, you should've practiced it with me*

Never-ending stories.

WEEK TWO & THREE

Its almost week three of my internship. Honestly, it feels much more than that, but its amazing how time passes by that fast. Seven to go!

I guess i made a progress the past couple of weeks. The children finally started to refer to me as "Ms." instead of "HEY" or nameless. They realized that I'm not a friend or a temporary visitor. They KNOW by now that I'm the teacher.

--> Mohammed *ofcourse*. This boy amazes me with his weird atittude. He always tries to impress me. Yet, he considers every comment, look, or smile from me a challanging one. He constantly says out loud that he doesn't love me, and I'm not a "princess". On the other hand, he tells me stories about his family, loves my stories, and made me a birthday cake made up of playdough today...with candles! It seems that the ignoring strategy that I'm using with him is working out. I think he is in a terrible need of attention. He has a great sense of ego. He's used to that at home, and I can not blame him.

Morning sessions. I've done a number of these, and I am getting so much better! The only problem Im facing right now is with asking questions. I DO ask questions, but I end up answering the questions before the kids do! And I always forget NOT to do that.

Reading stories. I LUV THIS PART coz I'm so good at it *e7im*. I so enjoy looking at their faces that are DEEPLY into the story. I enjoy changing my voice, and making facial expresions. It makes me live the story instead of just reading the words. AND it makes the children live it with me!

"Today you look like a happy person." Interesting comment coz I wasn't, until I started teaching my first morning session, independently. Rabaa was there to observe me, but I wasn't really worried about her. I just thought ITS TIME for me to make it perfect. I couldn't stand any kind of flaw. I wanted it to be flawless! Aida luved it, as well as Rabaa. Even the story..Aida made such a wonderful comment about it. She thinks that the way I read the story makes her feel like she's in a different world. It doesn't seem like a person is actually "telling" the story. Its like she's living the story itself.
Thats what I enjoy about reading.

7:00 a.m. until 4:45 p.m. Such a long day. I had to stay in school to finish up the Height Chart that I'm preparing for my children. I really went through a hard time to produce such a nice piece of Art! I was busy with calculators, numbers, rulers, centimeters, millimeters, pencils and markers. I wanted it to look PERFECT. Each line drawn nicely and straight. Each line is exactly 5 cm away from the other line. Each name was 5 cm above the line. Every child's height should be precisely drawn, resembling his/her real height.

Aida gave me a big hug! I guess it was exactly what she had in mind. Ahh, Its amazing how very simple things really matter in teaching. But i still think something is wrong with this chart. I noticed a flaw. I have to fix it tomorrow morning.

Teaching makes me feel alive--Torey Hayden

It does make me feel alive. It makes me appreciate the little things in life much more. It makes me feel happy about myself. It certainly makes me feel different. I love teaching.